Unsettled Thoughts
by AthenaStrawberry07
Summary: I'm not good with summaries, so just give this story a chance and read and review please!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own friends in any way, shape or form. I just own this story, that is all. And while I am writing this, my inspiration is coming from Why by Rascal Flatts, if you have yet to listen to that song, you really need too.**

 **Warning: Self harm, suicidal thoughts and possible actions or attempt, so if you can't handle that, then turn back now. Otherwise, please read and review! I love reviews, they keep a story going. Thank you!**

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"Are you sure you're okay?" Rachel asked, resting a hand on his shoulder. "You don't seem like it anyways. Should I get you something to eat? Have you even had anything today?" She walked over to the refrigerator, and opened it. But it was actually empty for a change. She glanced back at him in confusion.

Joey was slowly backing towards his bedroom. "I'm fine, really. You should probably get back to Ross, he will be wondering where you are."

Rachel closed the refrigerator, then walked towards him. "He knows where I am, and he's okay with it. Look, I need to know that you're okay before I leave." She grabbed his arm, and pulled him towards the couch. "Come on, talk to me." She begged. "I want to help."

He shook his head. "You can't help with this, not this time anyways," he said softly. "I'm fine though, honest. You just get back to Ross." He pulled out of her grasp, and walked back to his room, closing the door behind him.

She watched him leave, and sighed. Why wouldn't he talk to her? She walked out of the apartment, and went across the hall. Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe were in there. "Hey, Mon.." she paused for a moment, before continuing. "Has Joey been here to get anything to eat recently?"

Monica thought a moment, but it was Chandler who answered. "No, why? Something wrong?"

Rachel fiddled with her hands in embarrassment. "Maybe its nothing. But he had no food or anything over there, and he was acting a bit weird." She just shrug. "Maybe I'm overreacting."

Phoebe looked nervous about something, but she didn't say anything. "I'm gonna talk to him," she said, standing up. She walked out of the apartment.

Rachel grabbed a bottle of water, then went over to join them. "Do either of you think I'm overreacting?"

Monica shook her head. "Of course not." She exchanged a glance with Chandler. "But he has been acting a bit off since you moved in with Ross." She said, hesitantly.

* * *

Phoebe walked into apartment 19, and went towards his bedroom, swinging it open. "Joey? We need to talk now." She said, sitting on the bed beside him. "Joe?"

He was laying down with his back to her, so she figured he was probably asleep.

The first thing she noticed was a few cuts on his arm, but she didn't think too much about them, while she pulled the cover back over him. "We will talk later." She whispered, standing up. She saw something shiny from under his bed, so she reached down to pick it up, and noticed it was a pocket knife. Was he hiding it or something? Then she remembered the cuts she had seen on his arm, and covered her mouth. She thought about waking him up to confront him about this, but decided against it. She shook her head as she went back over to Monica and Chandler's apartment. "Guys, I think we may have a problem." She said. Then as quickly as she could, told them about what she had discovered.

Rachel covered her mouth. "I want to talk to him, I need too."

Phoebe shook her head. "He's asleep right now."

Monica and Chandler remained silent in shock. Neither knew what to say. "We need to help him," Chandler finally said, breaking his own silence.

A few moments later, Monica had called Ross to tell him about this, Chandler and Rachel were pacing, and Phoebe chewed on her hair, something she always did when nervous.

Rachel finally couldn't take it anymore. "I need to talk to him, I'm going over there."

"I'm coming with you," Chandler spoke up.

Monica sighed. "Me and Pheebs will wait here for Ross to get here then." Phoebe nodded in agreement.

* * *

Joey groaned when he felt someone poking him, he rolled over to sleepily glare at whoever woke him up. He sighed when he saw Rachel and Chandler standing there. "What?" He murmured, sitting up on edge of the bed.

Rachel exchanged a look with Chandler, then they sat on either side of him. "We know what you have been doing," she said softly. "Why didn't you tell us?"

He looked confused. "What? What you are two talking about?"

Chandler sighed, then held up the pocket knife. "This, buddy."

Joey just stared at him for a moment, then snatched it from him. "You guys went through my stuff?" He stood up quickly, then went to pacing. "Ok, ok." He raised his arms in surrender, then backed into a wall, rubbing his face with his hands in frustration.

"Joe? What is going on here?" Chandler asked, standing up slowly.

Rachel walked over to him, gently resting her hand on his shoulder. "Joey?" She asked softly. "We are your friends, you can tell us anything." She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a hug. "Please talk to us," she whispered.

Joey hesitantly pushed her away. "Want to know?" He glanced from her to Chandler and back again. "Its because of _you_ ," without waiting for an answer to that, he hurried out before they could further question him. He hurried into the bathroom, and slammed the door. He had disconnected the lock, so he had to push something in front of the door so no one could get in.

He paced around, fiddling with the pocket knife that was still in his hand. He walked over towards the sink. Rachel had left some things when she left. He shoved them off the sink, then sunk down to his knees.

* * *

Rachel knocked on the door. "Joey!" She called out, once again, trying to open it. She glanced over her shoulder. "Chandler?" She asked hopeful. Then Monica, Ross and Phoebe came in. "He locked himself in the bathroom." She told them, glancing back at the closed door.

Ross stepped forward. "Let me," he said, then rammed his shoulder into the door. "Ouch," he mumbled, stumbling back. "Joe, open up!" He called, then went back to ramming it.

Rachel felt relieved when the door was open enough for her to slip through, so she did. When she saw him in the floor, she ran over and wrapped her arms around him. "Talk to me," she whispered softly. "I want to help, we all do. Please?"

He shook his head, then pushed her away. "I have nothing to say to anyone," he said, his voice barely audible. He glanced at his shaky hands.

She sighed, then placed her hand on his. "Okay, then. Let's not speak, okay? We will just get you out of here, and get you something to eat. You can tell us when you're ready."

He thought about that for a moment. "Okay," he agreed after a moment's hesitation.

She smiled, then stood and helped him up. "Come on then," she said taking his hand in hers. She led him out of the bathroom to where the others were waiting.

* * *

Joey felt a bit better after eating a slice of pizza and drinking a nice cold beer. He was sitting in the barcalounger, listening to his friends talk, but he didn't attempt to join in the conversation. He leaned back and closed his eyes.

Rachel sat down on the chair arm beside him. "Joey, you going to be alright now?" She asked.

He glanced at her, and gave her his lopsided grin. "Yah, I'll be fine." He answered. "Thank you." He kissed her cheek.

She smiled back, then stood up and walked back over to Ross. "Ready to go home now? I'm tired." She said, kissing him.

Ross kissed her back. "Sure." He stood up and waved at everyone. "Bye, guys."

Joey sighed, watching them leave. He fiddled with his hands for a moment, but he remained silent, watching everyone else leave. He stood up from the barcalounger, then walked towards his room and closed the door. He opened the dresser drawer, then pulled out a different knife and stood there, staring at it.

 _"Why? That's what I keep asking._

 _Was there anything, I could have said or done._

 _Oh I had no clue you were masking_

 _a troubled soul_

 _Oh God only knows what went wrong_

 _And why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song."_

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 **Author's Note: Not sure if I will continue this or not, maybe if I can find inspiration. But anyways, I know that people have actually had these thoughts in real life, and if so, please get help.**

 **Anyways, I really need to know what you think so please review! I love reviews, stories feed from them. :)**

 **Tall, out!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Hey guys! I had a reviewer wanting more for this story, so this goes out to them. Have any of y'all ever watched 13 reasons why? If you have, good. This is not a crossover, but I am taking the idea for that and writing it into this story. I hope that's okay with y'all. So that's part of my inspiration for this chapter as well. Anyways, on to the story. Oh, one more thing, I own nothing. This is just purely for entertainment purposes only.**

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Rachel propped against the wall, staring at the closed door. She could just picture Joey walking out of there with that big sideways grin he'd always give her. She felt tear drops fall down her face, wondering what had been bad enough to make him want to take his own life. What could be that bad? She shook her head slowly, before walking across the hall to Monica and Chandler's apartment. Ross and Phoebe were there as well, each lost in their own grief. She suddenly thought about something that had confused her.

 _"Please talk to us." She had begged, giving him a hug._

 _He pushed her away from him as if he didn't want too. "Want to know?" He had glanced from her to Chandler, then back again. "Its because of you."_

Her? Why was it because of her? She rubbed her head in confusion, as the five of them just sat there in silence. She decided to break it, glancing over at Chandler she asked, "what exactly did he mean 'because of me'?"

Chandler glanced at her in confusion at first, but it quickly turned back to grief. "Seriously?" He asked. "Rach, he loved you."

Rachel just stared at him. "He what?" She fiddled with her hands for a moment, before looking away. "I kissed Ross in front of him," she murmured softly. "Why did I never know he was so depressed? He always seemed happy when I saw him." She was talking more to herself, than to anybody.

Phoebe just sighed. "I knew he was depressed," she said. "He would always put on an act in front of you. I knew he was struggling with feelings for you."

Monica and Ross had remained silent, listening to the others.

Rachel stood up and glanced over to the door. She could picture him walking in with his cheesy grin, and walking towards the refrigerator to get something to eat. She blinked back tears.

* * *

 _"_ _Ever seen the show 13 reasons why? Where this girl recorded 13 reasons why she killed herself? Well, this is going to be like that in a way. I didn't have 13 reasons to kill myself though. I just had 6. Six reasons, six people, mostly friends. Instead of using cassette tapes, I decided to record on video cassettes. So I know you are probably watching this and wondering why I did it. Why I took my own life when I had so many reasons to live. Well, not that many reasons, but still."_

Rachel had stumbled on the tape while she was cleaning out his apartment, then walked across the hall, so they could watch them together. They all were sitting around the couch, when she pushed the tape into the VCR, then backed away to sit beside Ross. She was kind of nervous about what they would discover on them. She leaned her head on Ross's shoulder and waited.

 _"Hey guys. I know you are all probably gathered around the tv, watching this right now. Wondering why I am not there to watch it with you. Am I right? I don't blame any of you, I merely only blame myself for these mistakes. But mistakes make or break us, right? Alright, let's start now." He paused to take a breath, before continuing. "I don't know which of my friends to start with, so maybe I'll begin with Pheebs."_

Rachel noticed Phoebe tense up at the mention of her name, but she remained silent.

 _"Pheebs, you meant the most to me out of everyone. I always enjoyed getting together with you once a month to discuss the others. You was always able to tell how I was just by looking at me. I still don't know how you did it. You may be wondering why I wanted to kill myself because of you, so I won't make you wait any longer. Remember when you pretended to be Ursula to break up with me for her? After that kiss, I had a thing for you. A little crush I knew I would get over eventually. I did, finally when I met Kathy, but that story is for a different story. I love you, Pheebs. I was so honored when you asked me to fill in for your dad at your wedding. I'm sorry I won't be there for your happily ever after though."_

Phoebe brushed a tear from her cheek. "He loved me at one point?" She stood up and hurried into the bathroom, crying hysterically.

Rachel watched her leave, then glanced back towards the tv screen. "Oh, Joey. Why did you do it?" She murmured softly as she continued watching.

 _"Expecting another tape? Well, don't. Everyone is on here. On this one tape." He paused again, wiping an invisible tear from his cheek before continuing. "You may have noticed that I always seemed happy around you guys. But you didn't see me when you all left for the night, or when I walked out of Monica's apartment, or Central Perk or something. You didn't see me when we weren't together. So welcome to a little behind the scenes for once. This is me, after you all left." He raised his voice a little, and it sounded a bit like it was about to break. "I'm sorry," he whispered, glancing away for a moment.  
_

Rachel clicked her fingers together while she waited. She wasn't sure why she was so eager to hear what he said about everyone else.

 _He glanced back towards the camera. The dark rings around his eyes were visible for once, but no one had noticed them before. He looked like he was lost in thought for a moment before he quickly composed himself. He fiddled with his fingers nervously. "Bet you are all anxious to know who is next. Right? Okay, lets get this over with."_

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 **Author's Note: Alright now. Here is chapter two. See? I told you it was going to be like 13 reasons why. Okay, now review please. Stories feed on reviews, remember? Anyways-**

 **Tall, out!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! Chapter 3 is here.. I hope y'all liked the previous chapter. Drop by and leave a review!**

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 _"I have loved several women throughout the years, but no one has hurt me more than Kate, Janine, Kathy, the list goes on. But lets focus on the one person who I loved but knew that I could never have. This is to you, Rach."_

Rachel held her breath, as she listened closely to what he was saying about her.

 _"I don't blame you at all, for not returning the feelings. I knew deep down that you always belonged to Ross. But I loved you so much, more than you could possibly know. I gave up everything because of you. But still, I don't blame you. I still only blame myself for all this. Why would I get so involved with someone I knew I could never have? You always were too good for me, Rach. I.." he paused, trying to collect himself, before continuing. "I loved you so much."_

Rachel felt tears slide down her face. "I love you too.." she whispered softly, fiddling with her hands.

Ross reached over and wiped the tear from her cheek. "You need to go home?" He asked softly to her.

She just shook her head. "No, I want to stay and watch the rest of this." She protested, turning her gaze back towards the TV.

 _"I'm sorry I won't attend your wedding to Ross, Rachel. Just know I'll be there in spirit. Save me some food," He joked, with a slight chuckle. "I wish you all the happiness in the world." He paused, as if he had run out of things to say. "Chandler, you were like a brother to me. Like the brother I never had. I loved all those times we spent playing foosball. I think I will miss you the most out of everyone. I still think every once in a while of you kissing Kathy while I was still dating her. I don't know why, that image just kept going over and over in my mind. I'm sorry I just snapped. I just felt as if you had betrayed me or something. You just take care of Monica. Treat her well, friend." He paused, then buried his face in his hands.  
_

Chandler had been listening intently to what was said about him. He wish he could reach in there and give Joey a hug for comfort. Why wouldn't his friend come to him if he was so depressed?

 _He glanced back at the camera. "I'm sorry, man. I just can't say good-bye to you." He reached under his bed, and pulled out a knife, then stared at it. "And to Monica. I'll miss you. You always kept me in line, and smacked me if I ever crossed a line or something. So thanks for that. I love you, Mon. I mean not the romantic way, but you know what I mean.." He paused again, to fiddle with the knife. "And Ross, you were always a really good friend. But seeing you and Rachel kiss, I just couldn't take it anymore. I guess that could push someone over the edge. I think I'm about to run out of room on the tape." He put the knife blade to his wrist. "I love you all. I wish I could stick around until this dark cloud passes over me, but I can't. I just can't." He winced as he cut his wrist, as deep as the knife would let him. Then he did the same thing on the other side, watching the blood flow down his arm._ The tape cut off, signaling the end of it.

Everybody sat there in silence, watching the blank screen. "So he thought this was the only way to escape?" Ross asked, shooting up to his feet. "He could have come to us!"

Rachel stood and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around him. "I know," she cried.

Everybody just sat there for the remaining time in silence. "Wait.. he said there was six reasons, but he only gave five.." Rachel spoke up, breaking the silence. She put a finger to her chin to think.

* * *

The door bell rang. "Delivery!" The mailman called out.

The woman hurried towards the door and opened it. "Oh, thanks." She smiled, taking the package from him. Once she had closed the door, she opened it. Inside there was a beautiful rose along with a cassette tape. She glanced at the tape, wondering why it wasn't marked. She pulled out her radio, then put it in and pressed play. She sat down in her chair to listen to it.

 _Hey its Joey here. If your listening to this, it means that you was the last person on my reasons to kill myself. I don't blame you for this, I just wanted you to know that I never stopped loving you. And I hope all your dreams come true in LA. I really do. And I'm sorry that I won't be there to celebrate your success with you. I hope you make it, more than I ever did. And I wish you all the best of luck in everything you do. I have to go now, but just know, that I have always loved you, Kate, and I always will. Good luck on everything you do!_

Kate listened to the tape until it stopped, her eyes watering with unshed tears. He still loved her? Why? She had left him for a role on General Hospital. She covered her face with her hands and just sat there in silence. And did he really go through with it? She shook her head as if to clear it. He wouldn't have, he had too much to live for. Right? She grabbed her cell phone, but realized she didn't remember any of there phone numbers.

She silently sat there, crying to herself.

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 **Author's Note: I'm going to end this story here. It will be a three shot, I guess is what you would call it. But this is my very first non one shot that I have finished, so yay! I'm excited for that! Anyways, hope y'all liked this. :)**


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